Matthew 14:25-31
25 Early in the morning, Jesus went out to the
disciples. He walked on the lake. 26 They saw him
walking on the lake and were terrified. "It's a ghost!" they said.
And they cried out in fear. 27 Right away Jesus called out to them,
"Be brave! It is I. Don't be afraid."28 "Lord, is it
you?" Peter asked. "If it is, tell me to come to you on the
water." 29 "Come," Jesus said. So Peter got out of
the boat. He walked on the water toward Jesus. 30 But
when Peter saw the wind, he was afraid. He began to sink. He cried out,
"Lord! Save me!" 31 Right away Jesus reached out his hand
and caught him. "Your faith is so small!" he said. "Why did you
doubt me?"
On Wednesday with my oncologist appointment I received news
that I did not want to hear. I prayed that God would have the results of my
test all be good. I would not have to have a biopsy on a node on my Thyroid and
my MUGA scan wouldn’t raise any concerns. Both did not happen.
I want to sit in a corner and cry to God and let him know it’s
not fair, why are you allowing this to happen to me? What did I do that again I
receive bad news and on the heels of my one year anniversary of my Breast
Cancer. Over the past year I have given up so much and changed so much that
this should not be happening. Yet, I think of the story of the cross stich and
how the back has no real rhyme or pattern to it, it’s when you look at it from
the top that the pattern is seen as it is to be. I understand that is my life,
I am just looking at it from the bottom and need to put my faith in God knowing
he will not allow things to happen I can’t handle. I have to have faith in Him
as Peter did when he stepped out of the boat.
The test results are beneficial to me and my doctors, it guilds
them in the treatment that will be given. However, the test results can’t
direct my emotional well health. Now as time has progressed it has become self-evidence
those test result could be the ring in my nose and then used to lead me around
where the cancer wants me to go. This can’t happen and although I may not be in
control of situation and test results, I am in control of how I will react to
them. Like Peter I to have climbed out of the boat, like Peter the storm and
waves are crashing about me. However I will not look down or take my eyes off
of Christ.
Fighting cancer has become a full time effort not only physically,
but mentally and spiritually as well. Each day I prepare myself through eating
right, exercising, keeping in the word of God, and being active in the lives of
those around me. When people call me a survivor it’s an honor and I appreciate the
jester. However survivor just doesn’t fit me and I don’t like the way it looks
on me in the mirror. When I sit back and think about it Warrior fits better.
Warrior is proactive and defensive, trained in combat and is prepared for what
awaits him/her. As I enter each room of the building I find myself I go in prepared
for the worse and thankful when all is clear.
I am taking an active role in my health as Peter did when he
stepped out of the boat to walk toward Jesus, and like Peter the storm and
waves crash about my head and feet however unlike Peter I will keep my eyes on
Jesus. For without him I am nothing and could not continue on fighting my
cancer like a warrior he has let me be.
No comments:
Post a Comment